Being the Dad to Two

     On December 27, 2019, we unexpectedly welcomed our second son into the world. It was a stressful Friday, considering we were just going in for a normal doctor's appointment, but by dinner time, my wife and I had become the parents to two boys. I was more than relieved to know that my wife and son were both healthy and able to go home in a timely manner, despite it being a stressful pregnancy that saw several complications. Following our 2018 miscarriage, this was an amazing relief.

     When we came home that following Sunday morning, we were excited to introduce our toddler to the newest addition to the family. Our oldest did great; he was immediately gentle with his little brother and was even curious enough to look at my wife and ask "what did you do?". Our growing family was coming together so well, that it definitely felt like we were going to be able to handle whatever else came our way.

     There was an unexpected consequence of becoming the parent to two children, though. Much in the same way that a first child can expose the cracks in a marriage, having two children can expose the flaws in your parenting skills. For whatever reason, the curtain was pulled back and I realized that I was playing a game with my parenting style that was proactively avoiding. I was giving everything to my toddler ahead of time so that he was never uncomfortable and was essentially spoiled. This manifested itself as screen time, new toys, and contentious bath times. It was just easier to let him steer the ship.

     I was fortunate enough to get almost 6 weeks off with my family before returning to work, so part of what we worked on as a family was discipline, sharing time, and being more present in the moment with our children. We cut way back on screen time, promoted the more interactive and creative toys, and began playing more and more with our children. There were several tears, from both parties, some yelling, mostly on the part of the toddler but by the time I came back to work, I felt that we had made real progress and that our family was better for it.

     Becoming the parent to two children reminded me that spending good quality time with my family was more important than anything else. I had spent too much time letting my son get his way so that I had more time free to myself. I was selfish and lazy in my parenting style. I wanted to read my book or do something on my phone; but it wasn't until our newborn came home that I realized that it was paramount that I spent real quality time with my son. Time that really matters, time that I know I won't get back, but at lease I spent it the best way I possibly could. Becoming a dad again let me know what is most important; and surprise, it's not myself.